Residual Nostalgia
by Halcyon Dementia
Summary: Takes place after the end of the show. Lelouch is alive but hiding. He decides to visit Ashford Academy and finds out it's graduation day. Just as he thought everyone was happy now that he's gone, he finds Kallen is still not at peace with things.


Lelouch gazed outside his window wondering how absolute freedom could make him feel like a prisoner, only the whole world as his cage. It had been only a few months ago that he staged his death in front of the world to set everyone free of the reins of tyranny. His tyranny. When he started thinking like this he often slightly regretted the things he had done, and the pain he bared in his heart. He didn't know how long he could go on living with those memories. Memories of his sister pleading for him to stop his madness, the disappointed look in Kallen's eyes when she feared he had betrayed her and everyone else in the Black Knights, the unnecessary death of Shirley. When this was all going on he had no time for regret, but now that it was done, he had nothing to do but think and it was slowly eating away at him.

He had not chosen the immortal life C.C. offered again and again. He did not want to consider living for all eternity with her. Or with those memories. He hoped in some ways he could still lead a normal life though he knew it was impossible. He only made it out alive from that day because Suzaku missed his heart by a fraction of an inch. Which was not part of the plan. He wanted to die. He wanted to relieve his suffering and to make everyone else happy. But he figured now he could repent for his sins. Maybe it was a blessing in disguise. He touched the scar left on his chest as a reminder of who he once was,

Even Suzaku did not know he was still alive. No one other than C.C. His side kick, his ally. That was all she was. A few times he tried to think of her as his lover and failed. There was something about her that was never sincere, no matter how much Lelouch knew of her past, or had seen it in her visions. Yet he still could not open his heart completely. She tried, too hard actually. It bothered him. She was starting to annoy him. Here he was in the middle of nowhere, what used to be Eastern Europe, he had no one to talk to except her. Sometimes he wanted her company when he was extremely lonely, but most times he wanted to just sulk alone in his room and ruminate. She would come in and try to play with his hair or give him a back rub and he would push her away. He didn't love her and he knew that having meaningless love with her wouldn't lighten his heart. She was tainted. She was almost evil in his eyes, but he stayed with her because she was all he had.

One evening he came down from his room and found her sitting by the fireplace reading a book she had bought in the small village nearby. Without even waiting for her to look up he said, "I'm going to Japan. I'm leaving tomorrow. I don't want you to come with me. This is something I have to do alone." He walked back up stairs and began to pack.

The next morning he woke up very early, before dawn, and was about to walk out the door when she appeared at the top of the small staircase.

"When will you be back?"

"I don't know"

"You do realize that if anyone recognizes you in Japan, this is all over."

"I am well aware of that. But I cannot sit here and wait to die. I would at least like to make sure everyone is all right."

"Suit yourself" She turned and walked back where she came from.

There was no time to waste. Lelouch had to hitch a ride from a farmer in the village to the closest city where he had to find another ride to take him to the nearest airport. He knew it would be a long way to Japan but he knew in his heart it would be worth it.

Lelouch stepped into the sun of Japan and felt immediately at home. He looked like a tourist wearing a strawberry blonde wig and brown contacts and very European looking clothing. He looked nothing like himself. And he was relieved that when he walked through the streets away from the airport nobody recognized him.

He knew where he wanted to go first. Ashford Academy wasn't too far and he figured since it was a Saturday nobody would be there.

When he finally arrived he was surprised to see that it was graduation day. He had completely forgot about graduation. He would have been graduating on that very day if he hadn't died and such.

He walked into the grounds with a group of people, parents and other people around his age. He only looked slightly out of place. He took a seat at the very back of the rows away from the stage and waited for the ceremony to start. When it began, music blared from the small band playing at the front and he recognized the song because they played it at every graduation. He listened to the speeches but was not too interested since none of the people that spoke were people he knew from when he had gone there and then finally the students came out in lines to receive their diplomas.

He saw Rivalz right away, still wearing that silly smile that Lelouch remembered. Unfortunately, many of Lelouch's other friends weren't graduating. Milly was already graduated, Shirley was gone, Nina was off working in a lab somewhere, Suzaku was also playing dead. Just as he was thinking that, Kallen's name was called and she walked onto the stage and received her diploma. She looked more primped than usual, but overall she was much the same. He wanted so badly to run up to his friends and tell them how much he missed being here. But he stayed seated until the end of the ceremony.

Afterwards, he walked around the school as students were taking pictures with their friends and saying how much they would miss each other when they went to universities. Lelouch's stomach panged with jealousy. He wanted this life, the life he gave up so others could have it. He saw Ohgi and Villetta standing off to the side talking to each other and smiling, and in Villetta's arms was a baby. Lelouch smiled for the first time in a while because at least for them there was a happy ending. Somehow people from two different worlds were brought together to share one life. And for a very quick moment he had no regrets.

He spotted Kallen with her mother, talking to some other girls. He watched as she waved goodbye the them and her mother also walked away from her after kissing her on the forehead. Kallen then looked around with a melancholy expression on her face and started to walk towards one of the buildings. Lelouch followed, wondering where she was going alone.

He followed her into the building; it was just a regular classroom building. He heard her gracefully climb the stairs and he slowly came after. When he got to the top he saw the door leading to the roof slightly ajar and he opened it and peered out.

He saw her from the side standing by the edge of roof. She was very still. The only movement he detected was the slight rise and fall of her chest. He heard her sigh quietly, and was still wondering what she was doing here all by herself while everyone else was celebrating. He decided to get a little closer. As quietly as possible, he inched towards where she was standing and stood behind a wall. Then he realized that she had tears streaming down her face. She made no sounds, just soft tears glided down her cheeks and onto her hands that were leaning on the short wall that enclosed the roof.

He wondered what she was thinking and why she was so upset. But he did not want to be seen so he turned to leave, however, he didn't notice a broken pipe sticking out of the floor and got his foot caught on it.

As he was falling face first into the floor, he was trying to come up with an excuse as to who he was, what he was doing on the roof, etc. He was praying that she would either not see him or hear him or would not ask questions.

He finally hit the ground, much louder than expected and he heard her gasp. He looked up to see her standing there looking right at him with an expression of complete shock. He got up and said, with a voice that wasn't his own, "Sorry, didn't know anybody else was up here."

She still stood there with a blank expression. Then after a few seconds she managed to blurt out, "Lelouch?"

Lelouch quickly touched his head and realized his wig had fallen off his head when he hit the ground. Damn it! How the hell was he going to cover this up?

"Lelouch, is that you?" She said.

She walked towards him as if she was seeing an apparition. And as far as she knew she was. Lelouch scrambled to his feet and by the time he was up she was standing a foot away from him.

"I-I-I don't understand. I watched you die."

"Kallen, I- "

She slapped him in the face so hard that he heard his neck crack.

"I suppose I deserved that." He said, rubbing his cheek.

"I mourned you for so long. And you were alive this whole time."

"Kallen, I had to. I had to pretend I was dead for the sake of everyone else"

"Screw everyone else," She said it with such bitterness Lelouch was almost afraid of her.

"Everyone has gone back to living a normal life but me. I can't adjust. My friends are dead and I'm not fighting anymore, it's like what's the point."

Lelouch saw more tears flow from her eyes, and he tried very hard not to show his own.

"Kallen, what I did, I did it to make you happy. I did it so everyone could live in peace, even if just for a short amount of time."

"I know why you did it, I just don't understand how. How could you lie to everyone for so long? How could you pretend that you were just a tyrannical ruler with no feelings? How could you pretend that when I…"

"When you what?" Lelouch asked, confused.

"Nothing" she turned away. She refused to look him in the eyes.

They were both silent for a few moments.

"I had to because no one else would. Why were you crying by yourself on the roof?"

"I was crying for all those who couldn't be here today. Including you."

She finally looked up into his eyes, and he felt for the first time in his life that he could see directly into someone's soul without the use of the Geass. In the few months since he had seen her last, she had matured in ways that normal life doesn't allow. She was a warrior on the outside, but she was even stronger on the inside.

Lelouch sighed and said, "I believed always that you were the most loyal soldier. But I learned that you were also the most loyal friend."

"You asked me to promise that we'd come back to Ashford together."

"I know. And we have now, haven't we?"

Her tears started to pour down her cheeks so fast she couldn't catch them all. Lelouch grabbed her shoulders and looked into her eyes and asked "What's wrong, Kallen? Please don't cry. I want nothing more than for you to be happy."

"I am happy. I am so glad that you're alive. I tried to hard to believe you were still alive somewhere even when people told me I should just accept that you were gone. But I knew your will to live was stronger than anybody else's."

Lelouch pulled her into a strong embrace and he felt a tear roll down his face.

"Why have you always had so much faith in me? After all the things I've done. How can you stand to look at someone with such filthy, blood-stained hands?"

"Because when I was captured, you promised that you would save me, even though I was just another soldier. And when I protected you from the Black Knights, you told me to live on. And I knew it was all a mask."

Lelouch pulled her face away from his chest and looked into her deep blue eyes. He caught a tear with his thumb and gently wiped it away. He then connected their lips.

In this short moment he thought to himself that she was right. Even with his mask, he only faltered when it came to her. When she was captured, he almost lost himself in blind panic for fear that he would lose another person dear to him. She wasn't just a soldier. She wasn't expendable. She was the image of hope, the dream that he worked so hard for. And when she protected him as she always did, he didn't want her last image of him to be of a traitor. He didn't want her to think he didn't care. He tried so hard to choke those words down but they escaped before he even had time to think. Not even Nunnally could break his hold on the mask. He realized then that there was something sublimely unique that he found in her that no one else could give him. It wasn't just loyalty or trust. It was undying, unfaltering love.

When he pulled his lips apart from hers, he realized he, too, was crying. She seemed scared or saddened by this, "Why are you crying? Are you going to leave again?"

"Kallen, I…truthfully should not have even let myself be discovered by you. That was an accident. I shouldn't have even come back into the country. But I did. And I don't care anymore. I have spent so long working towards others' happiness and it hasn't even made you happy."

"Nothing would make me happier than just knowing you're all right."

"But that's not enough for me. I know I'm being selfish, Kallen, but I love you."

Kallen's heart nearly stopped.

"But I thought you loved C.C."

"No. I couldn't. She's not even human. And she has never made me care for her happiness. She has never made me feel warm inside, like you do."

Kallen looked down, feeling a little embarrassed.

"That time I kissed you. It was like…. kissing a statue. I thought for sure you didn't like me that way."

"I wanted to hold you and tell you everything. I tried so hard to not kiss you back for fear that you would hate me forever. Even if I didn't love you at the time, I didn't want to lose you."

Kallen leaned against the wall and let out a sigh. She couldn't believe all she was hearing. It was so much to take in. Lelouch put his arms on either side of her against the wall, and looked into her eyes. He had at some point taken his contacts out and his eyes were dark purple again. The eyes that she remembered. She laid her hand on his cheek and gently touched him, a little timid at first, thinking that he would stop her, but instead he leaned in and passionately kissed her, pressing his body against hers and feeling the warmth radiating from her body.

They kissed for a long time, standing on the roof, and when they finally broke apart they noticed the sun was setting. He took her by the hand and led her back down stairs and back to the building he used to live in. They walked slowly, not in a hurry to get anywhere, admiring the beautiful cherry blossoms raining down from the trees. A blossom landed in his hands and he gently placed it behind Kallen's ear. She smiled, and he thought she looked so beautiful when she smiled. Like a goddess. Beautiful but also very deadly.

There was no one around, and they entered the dark building and went to Lelouch's old room.

"I've never been in here. Even now, nobody goes in here. People started telling ghost stories, that Lelouch the Tyrant still walks these halls and haunts these rooms. I don't think anyone has been in here since." Kallen said, as she looked around the room and blew dust off the furniture.

"Good, then no one will disturb our peace." Lelouch noticed the bed was still made the same way as when he'd left.

The sun was down now, and Kallen looked out the window at the city lights. Lelouch came up behind her and put his arms on her shoulders. She turned around and said, "I still can't believe this is real."

He stepped towards her, and she stepped backwards and her back hit the wall. He gently lifted her chin with his hands and kissed her again. This time, he wasn't afraid to touch her, and she wasn't afraid to touch him. She tangled one of her hands into his hair while he lightly touched the small of her back. He took off his coat, and was wearing just a T-shirt underneath. She touched his chest and through the fabric she could tell just how skinny he was. She unbuttoned her uniform top and he slid it off her shoulders and onto the floor.

He started kissing her neck while they slowly moved towards the bed. When they finally got there he ripped off his shirt and knelt beside her to pull off her underwear from underneath her skirt.

She noticed the scar on his chest but didn't say anything.

They both fell onto the bed and still kissing, touched each other anywhere they could. He slid his hand up her thigh and she started unbuttoning his pants.

When his pants were off, he made her lie on her back while he slowly made his way down her body. He started by kissing her thighs, higher and higher, until she just wished he would touch her where she wanted. He started to lick her and she was already so wet and ready to come that she had to hold on to the back of his head for support. After a few minutes of teasing her, she wished he would just finish and let her come, but he wouldn't. Instead he took of his boxers, and she saw that he was in fact very well endowed, and she knew that it was going to hurt because she was still a virgin.

He took off her bra, and finally her skirt and so both of them were in bed naked. He stopped what he was doing so he could look at her body. She was beautiful from head to toe. Her breasts were supple and her waist was small, and she was quite muscular but still in a feminine way. The more he looked the more he throbbed below. He wanted so much to feel her beneath him, to feel her heart beat speed up and her breath on his neck as he made love to her.

He laid on top of her and she seemed scared all of a sudden. He stopped what he was doing and looked down at her.

"What is it? Did I do something wrong?"

She nodded. "No, I'm just scared. It's my first time. But I want this."

He smiled and said, "Me too."

He took her hand in his and held it above her head, while his other hand was on the back of her neck, and he made his way in.

She muffled a sound of pain as he entered an arched her back, but he only found it more arousing.

"Does it hurt?"

"Yes, but I don't want you to stop."

And so he continued to thrust, slow at first, putting only a little bit at a time, but he wanted her so badly he just wanted to be inside her and feel her warmth. He kissed her and then thrust himself in as hard as he could and she cried into his mouth, and she started breathing heavily. But it felt so good. He kissed her neck, face and anywhere else he could reach and she moaned softly into his ears.

She was on the verge of coming, she could feel her pulse quickening and she wanted nothing more than to feel the release. Finally he gave one last thrust into her so deep she thought she was going to be ripped apart and both of them came at the same time.

They lay in each other's arms, still panting. Lelouch kissed her forehead, wondering why he had waited so long to confess his love for her. He wanted nothing more than to lie in her arms and walk through cherry blossoms with her for the rest of his life.

"Lelouch," she whispered sleepily.

He looked down. Her eyes were closing.

"Yes, Kallen?"

She touched the scar on his chest gently, and he winced a bit.

"He really did stab you."

"I was supposed to die. I guess Suzaku wasn't as accurate as he thought."

"I thought it was him. Nobody else is that agile. But I also thought I killed him, but I'm glad I didn't."

She looked into his eyes. "I want to heal you."

"I don't know that there is anyway to heal a dead man."

"You're only dead to the world, but to me, you've just been reborn."

He smiled and held her tighter, hoping that just by being near her that his scars would fade and he would be brought back to life.

"Promise me you'll be here when I wake up."

"I promise, Kallen." And she closed her eyes and fell asleep quickly. Lelouch watched her, she looked so peaceful, his heart felt completely full for the first time in his life. He pulled the sheets up over them and fell asleep beside her and for once did not dream of his past, but only dreamt of his future.


End file.
